Rough

[NAILS]

A woman has twin sons with mouths like sailors. They're always swearing and she can't take it anymore. One night she says to her husband, "If these kids swear one more time I'm gonna punch 'em out". He says, "Hey, go ahead and do what you're gotta do, they're your kids."

The next morning, the two twins come down for breakfast. She says to the first twin, "What do you want for breakfast?" Kid says, "Umm... I'll have some fucking pancakes". BOOM! She hits him. He goes down. He's on the ground. His jaw is all messed up. He's all bloody and stuff. She looks at the second son. She says, "Now you. What you want for breakfast?" So he looks at his brother all bloody on the ground, looks back up at his mom, looks at his brother again, and he says, "A sure as hell don't want any fucking pancakes".

[NAILS]

A store that sells new husbands has opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These Men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These Men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third-floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These Men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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While riding my bike I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, and severely banged my head.

Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful, women, who asked, "Are you okay?"

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...

"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, “get in and I will take you to my house so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

"That's nice of you," I answered, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!

"Oh, come now, I am a nurse" she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty, and very persuasive and being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away, and after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset, so I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything, and by the way, where is she?"

I replied, "Still in the ditch with my Bike, I guess."

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[Plunkin']

OucH!

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[Plunkin']

Remember that old horror flick Hotel Hell? Now I know what they did with the rest of the body parts

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At first this pic reminded me of walking into the mens room at a sporting event and everybody bellying up to the trough.
The more I looked at it number 2,3,5,6 look like female backsides to me.

I guess gender equality is creeping into the garden too.

Innovative idea to say the least.

[chopin]

The more I looked at it number 2,3,5,6 look like female backsides to me.

Which direction are you counting?

[NAILS]

Canadian direction eh

[LtDan]